A Breakup and Some Advice

I recently have gone through a rough breakup, and I will spare you details. I will also try to be gender neutral with my advice, but I am a woman and thus my advice will probably be more helpful to other women.

• Know when to walk away. I can't tell you how to know, but just know.
• But don't beat yourself up because you stayed. No one says "Well this has been nice, let's end it now before it gets worse." It's okay that you fought.
• Don't go back. It fucking hurts, and you will have those moments, but get some headphones, get some music (Nicki Minaj's "The Pinkprint" is what is helping me) and you stay the hell away.
• It's okay to be sorry, it's okay.
• It's okay to cry.
• It's okay to drink a few times.
• It's okay to eat some cake.
• It's okay to flirt with other people just purely for fun.
• It's okay to call your friend at one in the morning and cry.
• It's okay.
• Don't let someone hurt you twice.
• If you are a bitch you own that and you be okay with it.
• If you are emotional you own that and you be okay with it.
• Go out, at least once to forget.
• Focus on yourself, you are important.
• Sleep alone, and while doing this realize you are doing it. Don't wish you were with someone else, realize how warm your blanket is, realize how big your bed is, realize that you are comfortable, and realize that it's okay to be happy by yourself.
• Make some goals, for no one other than your damn self.
• Listen to Beyonce. 
• Curse, and vent, and yell, and bash, and enjoy yourself while you do it.
• If you're like me, you will get spiky and cold and pretty bad ass, so you rock that.
• And if you're the opposite and you get sad and emotional and express yourself with crying and become the sweetest little kitten, you rock that too.
• Dress nice.
• Do your makeup and hair nice.
• Let you ooze yourself, you should be sweating you, whatever you is.
• Fight.
• Spit.
• Scream.
• Curse.
• Don't take anyone's shit, you probably spent the entire relationship doing that.
• Cry if you need to.
• Stay in if you want.
• Wear pajamas all day once a week and watch a movie, alone.
• Deny the calls.
• Delete the texts.
• Don't let yourself become the "I don't want to be official but I still want you to be basically my partner without any of the hardships" one.
• Don't go back.
• Ever.
• Never.
• You deserve better, and you will give yourself better.
• Realize that no one's perfect, and you weren't either.
• But just because that's the case does not mean you have to forgive and forget everything.
• Say sorry, and move on.
• Forgive, but don't forget.
• DON'T FORGET.
• Music is important.
• Channel EVERY SINGLE EMOTION into SOMETHING. Write, draw, play, dance, take those pissed off, sad, angry, pitiful feelings and you pour them into anything. (If you do, tweet me @IncoercibleLife or share it on tumblr or on my facebook because we can all be upset and inspired.)
• You will get better. I promise. <3

What Anxiety is: Trigger Warning.

What anxiety is.

Anxiety is when you think you left the stove on,

But you can’t logic it away.

So you sit there asking everyone if they remember you turning it off.

And even if they say yes, how do they really know?

So you stop asking because you’re becoming a nuisance.

And you sit there wondering if it really is off.

And it bites at you every time to try to push it away.

Sit.

Sit.

Sit.

Bite.

Bite.

Bite.

Finally you get up saying quickly that you have to go.

And you run out to your car.

And you drive at illegal speeds.

And you run to your door.

And you throw it open.

And you push everything out of the way.

And you dart into your kitchen, a sweaty tired mess.

And the stove is off.

And you knew the stove was off.

You have never left your stove on.

And so you sit on your couch still shaking.

But what if you’re wrong?

So you check again.

The stove is still off.

Again you sit on your couch.

You are shaking, and breathing heavily, and you feel as if you will cry.

You get that ache in your throat and suddenly you don’t know what to do with your hands.

Sit.

Sit.

Sit.

Bite.

Bite.

Bite.

What do all of the people you just left think?

They are talking about you.

Talking about how annoying you are.

Talking about how stupid you are.

Oh your throat is getting that ache.

Talking about the idiot who left the party because their stove might be on.

Sit.

Sit.

Sit.

Bite.

Bite.

Bite.

Now you are really shaking.

Your hands are twittling.

Your chest is now tight.

Did you forget your stuff at the party?

Well of course not, your keys are attached to your wallet which is attached to your purse.

And you needed your keys to drive home.

But are you sure?

Yes, you are sure.

Hmmm, but what if you took your keys out of your bag before you left?

No, you have never done that in your entire adult life.

Oh, but what if you did it this time?

If so, now you have to go back to see all of those people.

You will have to look at them and explain how much of an idiot you are.

Sit.

Sit.

Sit.

Bite.

Bite.

Bite.

And so you get up frantically with that ache in your throat growing.

And you run out to your car.

And you throw open the door.

And sitting there is all of your stuff.

You were right, my apologies.

Inside the house you go.

And on the couch you sit.

And now think about those people who you will have to see.

They think you’re stupid!

They know you’re stupid!

THEY KNOW THAT YOU ARE AN IMBILSUL.

THEY ARE FULLY AWARE OF YOUR FEARS.

sit.

sit.

sit.

BITE.

BITE.

BITE.

And NOW you are CRYING.

And NOW you are PULLING your HAIR.

And NOW you are DRY HEAVING.

And NOW you are POURING SWEAT.

And NOW your WORLD is CRUMBLING.

And NOW your HANDS have NOTHING to do.

And NOW all your THOUGHTS are CONSUMED.

They HATE you.

You are an IDIOT.

You silly ANXIETY RIDDEN CHILD.

They will NEVER be CLOSE to you.

Shake.

Shake.

Shake.

Heave.

Heave.

Heave.

Pull.

Pull.

Pull.

GNAW.

GNAW.

GNAW.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It passes.

You’re lying on your couch now.

You have lost some clothing.

You’re in the fetal position.

You have sweat through everything.

Maybe you have thrown up.

You have a sore scalp.

Maybe there are some hairs in your fingers.

And now you will lay there.

And now you will feel depression.

And now you won’t respond.

And now you will be sat on.

And you will now just stare at nothing.

Stare.

Stare.

Stare.

Heavy.

Heavy.

Heavy.