To anyone who looks at other people as object.

Most of you, I hope, have heard about the recent allegations against the youtuber Sam Pepper. I saw a tweet by Jack Howard saying "Please don't watch Sam Pepper's new video" and not knowing what it was about I immediately went to see what it was (this was before there was talk about it). I couldn't get through one minute of it. What is funny is that about a day after this I had an old man come up to me in a store, the only moment I was alone (looking for socks), and say "And what's your name?" Then as I smiled politely and walked away he called me a pretty nasty name. I was upset and I wanted to leave the store, especially when an employee who obviously did not hear the situation said "Oh well, he probably just thought you worked hear. Did you hear what he said?" I felt ashamed, I felt uncomfortable, and I lied saying I had not heard what he had said to me.

I'm bringing these things up because they are important things to realize and pay attention to. Too often we say "Well as long as you know how to defend yourself it's an okay way to live," and it's not. I don't go shopping for you to come up and ask about my day, what I'm looking for, what my name is,  unless you are an employee and your purpose is to assist me if I need assistance. And Sam Pepper's video took this even further.

To the people who see other human's as play things, think. Stop, and think. Because that human is not a play thing for you to go and pull "jokes" on, especially if those "jokes" are assault. I don't really care what your reasoning was (I refused to watch his videos justifying his actions), it was assault. When a person makes it obvious that they aren't interested, don't act like they are wrong for that. They aren't interested in you, for varying reasons. When someone does not sleep with you don't call them names or a prude, they have real reasons as to why they said no. Please don't expect someone to "repay" you for an action that they thoughts you did out of kindness, because the would probably go back and do it themselves. Now, to the person who stopped when someone said no, good on you. To the person who understand when another human isn't interested, thank you. To the person who stands up when another person is hurt or assaulted, you are valued. And no, I haven't had all of these things happen to me personally, but they do happen. They will never stop, but if everyone took a step just declaring that these actions are WRONG we would not only be able to unite and take steps to better the situation, but we would also be able to see who thinks this is okay.

Some videos about this situation: Consent by Jack and Dean, and SupDaily06

I hope you all are doing well and adjusting, I finally am. I also am going to have a bit of a haul, showing what I've bought and maybe how I'm decorating for Halloween? :) Love you munchkins, remember to speak out. 

Camo

I really am not normally one to go out and shop a lot but I haven't been shopping in a really long time actually and I went on an account and found some extra funds and I went CRAZY. I am definitely a cheap person, I mean I have my nice items but I'm the type of gal who puts one item down before I check out. And I don't buy things full price. Like ever. Not even my Coach bags were full priced. I like outlet stores and sales. So I went online shopping, which I haven't done since Christmas time of last year, and I'm so excited to actually get all my stuff!

I bought a lot of clothing which is not something I needed, but I have been craving camo pants. I am someone who would normally gag if you offered me camo, but the other day I went into Gap and saw camo pants. I was really excited but then I saw they were sixty bucks and went "Uhm no." So the pants were put back. Then I was on Forever 21 and found THESE and I bought them even though they were full priced. They are so super bad ass and would look so great with a red lip, which is my signature look. I also found shorts that were not super short (I have long legs, and my thighs don't have a thigh gap so short shorts are not my cup of tea) so I had to get those because I find it so hard to find a good length of short for myself. I also bought bathing suites which were 8-11 dollars (US dollars). I then bought the MOST 90's thing I think I ever could have bought which surprised me because it totally isn't my style. I went onto H&M, one of my favorite stores, and bought a black denim top that is called the denim bustier top. I can't even find it anymore but I will totally be posting pictures of everything when it gets here (couple of days). The shirt was only 7 dollars so even if I only wear it a couple of times I won't feel too badly. I also went into the home section of the website and I was really surprised at how nice it was. I got This knit pillow because it looks so comfy and if the Knit throw wasn't so expensive I would have bought that too.

I got a lot, and you guys will surely be seeing it along with a million pictures and maybe a video? I really needed some retail therapy and I think I am most excited for that pillow. IT LOOKS SO COMFY. Hope you guys are having a good week and transitioning into school well. <3

Don't even know what to call this.

So I have had a very rough week consisting of fear, lack of sleep, no therapy, panic attacks, depression and a lot of new things happening that are just not in my comfort zone. After all of this I went to therapy to find out my therapist was again not there and I just decided that my needs weren't being met (which isn't the therapist's fault, just a bunch of life things) and that I needed to move on to a new therapist. I have met this new therapist once and I feel so hopeful, and so positive, and so much better. I feel like I will be okay.
Now there are a lot of things I've been wanting to talk about, from the normal transition from high-school to college, to suicide, to explaining depression/anxiety/OCD/any other emotional or mental problem, to telling you guys about my bad week at the beginning of the summer when I dropped off of the face of the Earth for a bit, to my past week of hardships. And I have no clue where to start because I am so passionate about all of these subjects so it's becoming a struggle for me to process my thought. Also it's a little bit difficult for me to relive bad moments because I don't like to think about them, no one does. So I think I will start with some vague problems I face and that bad week in the beginning of the summer.

I have a couple of issues that we won't dive too deep into, but I have had a different childhood which is vaguely explained somewhere on here. Maybe one day when I am older I will decide to share it, but I would prefer not to at this moment. And I have a type of depression, which I would prefer to not go into specifically. I am sorting out whether I have an anxiety disorder or if I just have a lot of fear due to life things. Now my depression happens randomly, sometimes a lot sometimes a little, and it's something that I will always have (I plan on explaining how these things won't necessarily leave, but you learn how to cope, in the near future). Because of this I will get random weeks of sadness. I also am a terrible sleeper, so that adds stress. Now that you know all of that I will go into what I went through in the beginning of the summer.

If you suffer from any type of depression you understand how much of a different sadness it is, if you don't I will explain. I personally just lose all wants to do anything, and if I do try to distract myself I will try to sleep and just want to cry. I don't really have any triggers either, I just wake up super sad and can't shake it. I am also a very rough it and tough it gal, so it takes a lot for me to admit defeat. So what you do is bury and bury and bury and it eats you up until you just can't do anything anymore. In the beginning of the summer I had graduated, but it wasn't something that triggered it. I think graduation, while it made me happy, didn't make me too excited. Probably in the end of June, I just felt sad one day. I felt it happen, I got really pissy, I got very angry, I became extremely emotional, and I didn't want to do anything. And I felt like that for a good week or two. I didn't want to wake up to an extreme extent, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to work, I didn't want let anyone near me, I just wanted to hide in my bed and cry. And it is a sick, horrible, desperate cry. I didn't cry because I was sad, I cried because I just wanted it to stop. I cried because I wanted life to stop. And that is what depression is, a lost of hope and joy, and even in those few moments where you feel hopeful and joyful, the second it's over you plummet. You hit rock bottom. I got to a point where everything just seemed like it had no purpose, I had no purpose, my life had no purpose, the Earth had no purpose. I personally, will stop eating, and sleeping, and it becomes a battle for me to eat and I have to wait until I pass out to sleep. I don't know why it happened, but it did. And it continued for quite some time and became a really sh*tty time.

After about a week I slowly came out if my trance of sadness and I re-adjusted into my normal, remotely bubbly, very sassy, bit smart-assy, self. And if you are going through it I know it sucks. I know how sh*tty it can be, and I don't even have full on depression. And it will get better, you will most likely never be perfect, BUT you will get better with time. You will keep fighting and trying as hard as your little heart can, and I will be fighting right along with you. Your big black dog will start to get smaller and stop biting at your heals, and you will be happy. Maybe you will even be able to tell the dog when to leave and it will remotely listen. Good lucky little fighters.