Let's talk about catcalling

So I am a female and like most females I have been catcalled. Now for you people out there, male or female, wondering why this is bad I will explain to you and tell you what has gone through my mind when I was catcalled, and what goes through my mind when anything really makes me uncomfortable. First let me list the problems with catcalling: #1 Let me explain to you that being catcalled is not attractive no matter how you look. #2 There is a difference between flirting with me and catcalling. You should know this difference. #3 I don't need you to shout and hoot and tell me about the things you want to do with this vessel that is holding my mind and soul. #4 Catcalling assumes that I want you to touch me, I don't. Maybe I did before you opened your mouth, but I especially don't now. #5 I know I look attractive, and you can appreciate that without making me feel as if you may force yourself upon me. #6 When you catcall you are making yourself look ignorant to my feelings and thoughts, to be honest you probably are ignorant to them. You are displaying your ignorance. You should tuck that away. #7 For all you know I have crippling social anxiety and what you just said caused me to go home and either drink, overdose, or have a terrible panic attack. Thanks. #8 I don't catcall you, if I think you look good I will either not do anything or I will want to learn more about you so I can judge your personality. Because humans are more than their looks. And I am human. #9 You are making me out to be a sex object. I am not a sex object. And #10 You do not wish women would catcall, and you will hopefully have some understanding as too why you don't wish that by the end of this piece.

Now I will go into what I have felt personally the first time I was catcalled. I was thirteen years old walking to a park alone, when a car drove past full of about five men who decided to honk and shout at me. This is what went through my mind and has stayed there ever since. This list will include some things that went through my mind in other situations as well.

• "Please don't stop the car. Please. Please don't stop the car."
• "Pretend to talk to someone on the phone. They won't come after you if they think you are speaking to someone."
• "Call dad. Call mom. Call your brother. Call someone. Anyone. Call."
• "How does anyone think that is attractive? It is gross."
• "Please don't stop the car. Please just drive away. Please drive away."
• "What will I do if they stop the car? There are five of them. I only have one of me."
• "I can't run away in these pants."
• "Where is my ride? When will they get here?"
• "Please don't stop the car."
• "Just keep walking."
• "I can't flip them off, if I do that they may stop."
• "Please don't stop the car."
• "I don't want to get hurt. Don't let them hurt me."
• "Why did I wear these jeans? They're too tight. I should have worn sweatpants."
• "How old do they think I am?"
• "Please don't stop the car."
• "Please don't hurt me."
• "If I make it out of this I will go right home and throw away these jeans."
• "Please don't stop the car."

Now I will move onto random times where people have made me uncomfortable.

• "Why are you standing so close? You didn't stand that close with that guy who helped you earlier."
• "Don't touch me to show me. You didn't touch the other associate. Use your words."
• "I need to let them know where I'm going so if something goes wrong they will know where I am."
• "I need an approximate time as to when I should be home so that if I'm not back someone knows."
• "Please don't put your hand on my knee. I didn't do anything to show you I would enjoy that."
• "I have breasts, please remember that when you are trying to touch my arm (which is not something I even remotely want you to do as I don't know you and I'm just trying to help you out as is in my job description). I don't want my breasts touched."

As you can see these are some things that just have happened to me. Here is a bonus, advice I have received from other people I know and some advice that you may want. If you are a male you may have never heard of this advice but I think it's good to know because men can get hurt too.

• Don't leave your drink unattended, even if you are at someones house.
• Don't get out off your car if it breaks down.
• Don't let the cab driver drop you off or pick you up at your house.
• Don't let your date who you have never personally met pick you up or drop you off at your house.
• Don't sit in your car in a parking lot. Get in your car and leave.
• Do have a dog.
• Do keep your keys in your bedroom so that way if you don't have any service in your house you can set off your car alarm and someone will know.
• Do tell someone where you are going and with who.
• Do tell someone when you expect to be home.
• Do know what you could use to defend yourself if the need comes up.
• Do expect the worse and hope for the best.

I understand that this seems paranoid but really a lot of bad things can happen to anyone. You should always have a way out. Remember that you have a right to say no and that if someone does not respect that you have the right to take action.

And if you are a man who catcalls, remember that list of thoughts. Remember that that person has thoughts and opinions just like you do. Remember that person could have a family, remember those things. Remember that they are not there for you to stare at. Remember that you may possibly have a daughter one day. Remember that your female cousin or sister or aunt or grandmother or mother could have this happening at that exact moment or could have had it happen before. Remember your future daughters. Remember your future spouses. Remember how horrible it feels when someone scares you. Remember your dignity and forget your ignorance.