Q & A

So I'm doing a Q & A later at 8:00 (EST) so head over to www.tumblr.com/blog/incoerciblelifeblog and ask away. Feel free to ask anything having to do with being homeschooled, dealing with death, or dealing with mentally ill family.

life be hard man

So I got a tablet which means I'm most likely going to be blogging more which is great. Life is kinda difficult lately, I've had a recent death in the family causing this to be the third death of a family member of mine within two years. I really wasn't surprised that the person died (they were extremely old) but I really just had a huge problem with another person dying. It's difficult when it feels like everyone you know is passing and it's really hard because death seams to just come in so nonchalant. You think death is going to be this huge thing and it really is someone just saying "this person died" and it feels very... odd. I mean death is such a horrible thing and it just seams to sit there with you not realizing it's there and then randomly joins your life. Like a person you haven't heard from for years deciding to drop by without any warning. It's uncomfortable, and I've never been afraid of death but I'm running out of people to lose and it scared me. I mean it really messed me up, and freaked me out. But back to the whole death thing, I think a real problem with death is that it just drops in. Which is the scariest  part because you never expect it. You just go through life and death will just pop in. It's surprising and I think that that surprise is the worst part. Because we can't  say goodbye and predict when death is happening we feel cheated by it. Especially when it is taking so many people from us at once, and no matter what there is no way to fix that. To be honest I don't even know why I'm writing this because I have no way of helping anyone go through it, it just has to happen.

So I hope you guys are having a good time, and if you are going through that cheated stage it will get better and I am here for you. Hope you all are good munchkins.

There is so much to do in the world

I am having a good day actually. I am actually thinking about the things I want to do so I figured I should list them.

1. I want to travel, I want to go anywhere and everywhere.
2. I want to write, hopefully as my career.I love to write.
3. I want to have a farm, a small farm but a farm.
4. I want to start riding horses again, western riding, back down to my roots.
5. I want to be more confident in the things I do; question myself less.
6. I want to go to college and figure out what do to with my life.
7. I want to take more pictures, I don't take enough pictures of my life.
8. I want a pet pig, probably not this year, but in the near future.
9. I want to smile more, and laugh more.
10. I want to spend less time worrying and more time being happy.

So what do you guys want to do? I know this is a little late but I wasn't really feeling the new year.

Spanking.

So I have a feeling this blog post will be talked about if not screamed about, but it is something that bothers me. Parents who argue that spanking or humiliating is the only form of discipline and that this era of kids are all spoiled brats if they don't get spanked. How about this, in one house I got spanked, got my mouth washed out with soap, got cussed at, got screamed out, and basically got punished horribly in ways that are not right to go into right now. In the other house I didn't, and in the other house I was happier, not "Oh here I don't get punished" but in a "Here I won't be hurt physically and am given the respect of being talked to," now I'm not saying that kids aren't disrespectful, ALL kids are at some point (you were too, you just don't remember), some more than others, but when you argue that you got spanked and were fine #1 you are saying society shouldn't progress in its parenting methods and #2 you aren't fine because you think it's okay to hit people.

Now this is where you may be saying "I don't hit people." And that is false because children are people, they have minds and feelings and are much more intelligent than anyone gives them credit for.  You also have to think back, when you were spanked did you stop doing the act or did you stop doing it in front of the person who would spank you? I'm also not saying every kid is the same, at some point in their life a child may need to be spanked, but that should not be a first resort. Your first resort should be to sit down and talk to that tiny human being, because if a child has some type of anxiety disorder, or depression, or whatever, and you don't know about it during a young age, that could totally worsen it.

Now here is something I am going to do that a lot of people don't do. I, as a young adult, am going to tell you ways I wish someone would have handled punishment with me in one house and the way they did handle it with me in another.
1: Talk. Yes that child can talk and explain and retain information thanks to you and nature. So if you calmly explain to a child what is wrong and why then, even if you don't realize it, they will think about it more.
2: Remember that humiliation will cause that person to humiliate, you always hear how bullies were/are once bullied (I'm not saying you or your child are bullies just listen). The same happens when children are humiliated, also it is much easier for children to be hurt on a core level because they don't know what real pain is and children are judged much more by their piers than adults are.
3: Pick what actions need consequences from you. If your kid is lactose intolerant and he eats ice-cream when you said no, you don't have to yell at him. That is his choice and man he is going to suffer and slowly learn he probably shouldn't eat ice-cream. If your kid goes to a party and stays out past curfew, yeah you should probably ground them and take away their phone and some other stuff, but you should explain why it upsets you and the dangers.
4: Start when a kid is young. Yeah, when your kid is crying at four years old it's easier to just give them the thing they want, but no one is going to like that kid when he is ten years old and throwing a fit.
5: Have steady rules that are communicated. Hell think of rules together, then sit down and discuss each rule and its reasoning. People will follow rules a lot more if you explain them and they will grow a sense of responsibility.
6: Just talk. They have a voice and opinions just like you, and those opinions are just as valid. Kids are not these evil little monsters who have no conscience, they just need help finding theirs. You have to help them with that by teaching by example and explaining the entire way.

I'm not saying let your kid do whatever they want, give them consequences and make them think, but you don't have to hit them or make them eat soap or scream as a first resort. Talk to them and give them respect because they are trying to understand the world and follow all these different rules when no one gives them respect. That's hard for them, everyone snubs them because they are a kid, which in certain situations can be extremely difficult because you don't get to speak up in your own life. And if you need some help and your kid is extra difficult, get some. Communicate, respect, and realize that you are raising a small, innocent, sooner-than-you-think-to-be-adult.

Hope you munchkins are having a good day!

Let's talk about... love

I was talking to a friend of mine about love and I started thinking about it, I think that a lot of people have an unrealistic notion about love.

Love isn't when someone is perfect, or you start to think they are perfect. Love isn't about denying someone's faults, love is about noticing that someones isn't perfect and still staying with them. Love is about looking past faults and problems unknowingly and being happy with that. Love isn't something you try for, it's just something that happens. You don't have to look for love because love isn't something you can find, love finds you. When you least expect it, love finds you, and it can leave you at anytime. There are different types of love as well, there is a blind liking which fools you into believing it's love, there is a love that you obtain at birth and no one really knows why, there is love that sneaks up on you and pounces like a tiger, and there is love that you obtain from loyalty. Sometimes I question if the loyalty type of love is real love, or if it's just the mind being mistaken. There is a blinding connection that we mistake for love as well, this idea that the person we "love" will never have any flaws. I think this connection is easy to mistake for love because it is so close to actual love, where in pure love we see flaws in bright red but we accept and try to improve them, while in this blinding connection you can't see flaws. Not being able to see and accept flaws shows a lack of truth within oneself and that will cause someone to have a lack of truth with other.

At least that is my opinion, what are yours?