Guilt, unhealthy relationships, and loving yourself

So the other day I touched a little bit on the subject of guilt, but not to a great extent. I think that when someone dies or we end a relationship we always feel guilt. Maybe you feel guilty because you couldn't stay longer, or maybe because you feel bad you made someone else feel bad, or just because you couldn't fix it.

When I was younger I always felt guilty I didn't stay and try to fix my mother, I just left. But as I grow as a human and as an individual I start to realize there is no reason to feel guilty for ending a relationship that was unhealthy. Staying in an unhealthy, negative relationship that makes you act/feel in a way you don't like is not only damaging to yourself but also the other person in the relationship. But what happens after we end the relationship can be unhealthy too, normally we blame ourselves and feel bad that we were the one to end the relationship. Feeling this guilt, while natural, is stupid. You cannot have a healthy relationship if you yourself are not healthy around the other half of the relationship. I'm not saying you can't have problems, or be broken, what I'm saying is that when someone brings out the worst in you it's very hard for them to see your best.

When you are in an unhealthy relationship it effects your life as well as other's. And an unhealthy relationship doesn't just constitute how you and that person act together, it constitutes how you act with others. When a certain area of our life is unhealthy it seeps into other areas causing us to just be this big, black cloud that ruins everyone's day. This causes people to be around you less and you to love yourself less, and no one can love you if you don't love yourself.

Loving yourself can be pretty hard though, we see the worst of us and barely ever remember the best. Also you probably hate yourself more than anyone else; I mean think about it when you look in the mirror, you see and try to fix every flaw. You see things that aren't even there and barely ever tell yourself good job, so how can you love yourself? Well I don't think you should ever love yourself so that you find no flaws, because then you will not grow as a human being. But you should look at yourself and try to find one thing that you love. Ignore any negative that comes out for this moment and hold on to that thing you love, no matter how small. Now you love a tiny little piece of yourself, and like misery, love grows.

If you end a relationship and feel guilty just remember, you have to love yourself first. If you can't love yourself no one else can. So if you are going through the end of a relationship take a little piece of you and love it. Don't feel bad that you put yourself first because not liking who you are will be the end of you. When you lose the person you like being you lose yourself and it takes a long time to find you again. So if you feel guilty that's okay, just remember you have to love yourself.
-J